Blue Moon

Blue moon,
You saw me standing alone,
Without a dream in my heart,
Without a love of my own.

Blue moon,
You knew just what I
was there for.
You heard me saying a pray for
Someone I really could care for.

Blue moon,
You saw me standing alone,
Without a dream in my heart,
Without a love of my own.

Blue moon...
Without a love of my own.

pouring it out...

June 19,2007

Why are you upset?

I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t feel right.
Flashback: last week at Mumbai

Read
Namesake
Freakonomics
Everything you desire
And the Big Bazaar guy’s story

Listened to some awesome music
Spent nice time at home
Had got myself Nokia 5300; pics,videos,radio; it was kool.

And now, I am here; the feeling doesn’t sink in at all. It’s like I’ve been despoiled and left in this mesh of unknown entities. And what’s more ironic?

A week back I used to call this very mesh- mah home!

What kind of differences are we talking about here?

I’ll give you an example. I’ve realized it this morning itself and let me put it this way- the focus it exacts me to get acclimatized at my aerie is minimal in comparison to the amount of thinking I’ve been through in the last 24 hours. (And as I write this, I realize that it is nothing but normal that one gets into the groove more fluently among known people than….)

So, what’s up next?

Well, a lot of things need to be set right. It’s been a year here at my job today, so first of all I got to party!
Next will be, setting up all those different pieces of life together and trying to put them at their right place. Imagine this: Life as a large zillion-inch screen where myriad pieces have been assembled in front of you and when we say that we live life, all we do is move from one piece of the frame to another. And sometimes, when we sit back to ponder, we are basically looking at the different pieces in front of us and trying to figure out things in hindsight. Sounds interesting to me.

Abres los ojos, also gave a new insight into what life can be…all these interesting theories about what life is do make sense, but may be none of them is right!

And what about now?

You know, sometimes you look into the mirror and the man you see there is not you! It’s like an unknown soul trapped inside. The exterior just doesn’t connect to you. And then you adapt. So that’s what um thinking now. Need to make some changes with my place n the way I’ve been living there. Got to plan a few things today.

Thanks for listening me out. Thanks!

trying to feel good....aren't ya?

We all try to feel good…don’t we!!! Sometimes absolutely but mostly relatively…it’s always like your brain keeps looking for patterns and either it gives you a feeling of superiority or inferiority. We do certain things and we think in a certain manner unique to us, and then we try to put it all together into a perspective so as to see, where do we actually stand!!! We all have our share of apprehensions and so we all seek a reference to put ourselves in a mindset. And thus, there are fluctuations; one morning you exude confidence coz you’re feeling superior and another morning you feel somber with a defeatist outlook. There’s this lady in my office, generally very well dressed n spruced up but today she doesn’t seem her usual self and I see the vulnerability in her, that, may be, I hadn’t perceived before. And I see her staring at a colleague of hers sporadically and I say to myself: may be she’s trying to feel ‘relatively’ good…may be she’s trying to convince herself that she’s groomed better than her!!! Or may be her mind is stuck on the feud she had had with her husband in the morning…or may be it’s something else that I won’t ever figure out!!!

I’ve been reading this book by R.D.Laing called ‘Knots’ where he presents the correlation between various ways of perceiving and accepting things, through quite weird but logical statements!!! Read the few italicized statements below by Daniel Goldman based upon a similar logic flow and may be you can understand what do these guys intend to tell us.

“The range of what we think and do
is limited by what we fail to notice.
And because we fail to notice
that we fail to notice
there is little we can do
to change
until we notice
how failing to notice
shapes our thoughts and deeds”

It all seems so logical…ain’t it?

Logic, is how things seem to be connected…It may not be apparent but implicitly there is always some cause and effect relation. It’s amazing how Steven Levitt ascribes the ordinance regarding abortion in mid 70’s to the falling crime rates in american cities in early 90’s…“Preposterous”; you might say, but there is definitely a connection; the way the author puts it up and then dilates his hypothesis, you won’t be left with any apprehensions…

And coming to think of it,any conclusion\decision that we arrive at, comes through a logical flow of thoughts and if we can trace back through them, it’s actually quite easy to decipher how things got impacted from the previous mindset, influenced the next thought and finally lead to some action!!!

So what should we make out of this realisation???
Well, depends upon your own perspective...but I, for sure, am a firm believer of the existence of logic in almost all thoughts/reactions/perspectives we get…for the rest, they just don’t want to see it!

Coldplay- A Rush of Blood to the Head

He said Im gonna buy this place and burn it down
Im gonna put it six feet underground
He said Im gonna buy this place and watch it fall
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls
Oh Im gonna buy this place and start a fire
Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires
Because Im gonna buy this place and see it burn
Do back the things it did to you in return

Ah,ah,ah
He said oh Im gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Oh and Im gonna buy this place, thats what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

And honey
All the movements youre starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you mean to go on
Start as you mean to go on

He said Im gonna buy this place and see it go
Stand here beside me baby watch the orange glow
Somell laugh and some just sit and cry
But you just sit down there and you wonder why
So Im gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Im gonna buy this place, thats what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

And honey
All the movements youre starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They said start as you mean to go on
As you mean to go on, as you mean to go on

So meet me by the bridge, meet me by the lane
When am I going to see that pretty face again
Meet me on the road, meet me where I said
Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head
--------------------------------------------------

Realizations-II

As coldplay pour out their melifluous notes here in my room, i just want to be at peace...i don't know why, but i do believe that i can do anything, rather, anyone can do anything.... but there's some purpose to what one really does...there's some essence to the whole thing...but,i...i feel numb!!! As if i just don't want to do anything...what am i here for...do they want me to earn a lot of money, well, i surely can...but do i really need that...what should i do...why am i here...what do i look for around here...there can be so many stories and my life can be anyone of them...i can be a great leader, a great artist or a great lover...but who am i, really???

Am i here to appreciate what has been and will be done by all these people around...just to acknowledge that they did a great job...or am i here just to make up the numbers...you know...i had heard this once, that there are competitors and then, there are those who are there just for pleasure or may be just to loose...am i one of those...who should i believe, is there anyone who'll come up and tell me what my role is in this huge story spanning across years...what difference would it make to anybody if I died right now...why did i come here, in first place...and where would i go from here...

you know, if anyone would ask me to bless someone right now, i'll wish for that person to see things in the Right perspective...life's nothing but, how you choose to see it...right or wrong is a relative point,but having a perspective is always good...at least you can hold a stance and make a point...well, my irony is that i seem to hold none...anything can be wrong and everything may seem to be perfect as well...i mean, try it on your own, pick up any small incident from your life and get into the heads of all the people who were a part of it...you see it from altogether different mindsets, but not even once, would you feel wrong in a particular state...coz it's a logical flow of thoughts that's leading the mind to that state/expression/statement...so all seems fine...but if you see yourself from the eyes of the man standing in front of you, it's a new world...somewhere i feel like, i am the perfect professional guy, some places make me feel aweful about how i can't take even a call properly...some eyes look upto me, while some play me down...some minds think i'm underestimating my abilities, while some feel, that i couldn't make a better use of them...

so, i get back to my question...who am i...among all these perspectives, mindsets and thoughts, where is the real me???
how do i see myself...

May be-Live More...Know More!!!

Perspective-I

Schumi: Man, I got to do something BIG...real big and this is not it!!!
Jay: (gulps down another sip from the bottle) have you listened to that song from Floyd???...


Schumi: why can't we do something that brings about a breakthrough in the world...something,that is simply awe-inspiring...
Saggy: (looking away as he says) dude, those who do such stuff, don't go around bragging about it!!!

Schumi: hey, this sounds so kool...we got to do something of this sort...
Vargu: (gets excited) yeah, n just think when this will turn out to be a reality...our names will be all around, we'll be famous...let's do it mate!!!

Schumi lying on his bed late after midnight thinks:

I guess Jay didn't share my enthusiasm, so he chose to stay quiet on that...You should respect the fact the that he didn't play you down...but yes, Saggy made a great point (though discouraging)...you need to keep that in mind for sure...n get ready for tommorow, U n Vargu have to give your best shot...Crucial days ahead!!!

Swallowed in the sea-Coldplay

You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong

You put me on a shelf
And kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line
And hung me out to dry
And darling that's when I
Decided to go to see you

You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see

And I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, and then it took
It took it back from me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

Ooh...

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see

Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

Realizations-I

Realizations keep you going in life. Each day, I can realize something new about this world, about me, about anything that was and can be. I am being quite realistic when I sit back and decide upon my abilities and potential. You know, it’s just like a long journey that began during those last few days before starting my graduation. Since then I’ve been thinking and truly speaking, I’ve been thinking much. I’ve been seeing this world as a traveler, as an explorer who knows nothing of it. Every moment, every incident leaves behind a new emotion, lasting sometimes even for a few months, putting your mind in a state that might seem weird to many. And when you’ve been through much, you just sit back and try to question you and your identity. When I do that, I go blank!!!

I don’t know if there’s anything meant for me or anyone waiting for me that’ll quench my thirst, that’ll complete my exploration. But then, why do I have to do it??? May be because my brain functions in a way to frame whatever it observes, to make patterns out of whatever comes up from this huge labyrinth. I’ve heard of code breakers, listened to great speakers, read about legendary people who have mastered their fields. I’ve lived what a lyricist might have gone through while writing those lines that touches deep down everyone’s core. I’ve imagined the ecstasy of mind after you come up with something new and jump with joy. I see a small part of me in each one of them. I relate to it, though for a small phase. And then I ask: Who am I??? May be, that’s what I am- living each phase and then… it gets over!!!

I don’t know how people out there, perceive the mundane activities but I wish to see the sense of purpose, the logic behind it all. I mean why do we do what we do??? I see individuals who have found or may be settled for, a purpose in their life. I hear a preacher, and yes, that’s what he does the best. He doesn’t have to do anything with what’s going on in a game of soccer. He just knows, that he can relate to a specific aspect from the whole gamut of human emotions. But, am I right in saying that he limits himself!!! Why can’t he become a soccer coach??? I mean, his abilities may be used in that form as well.

Bottom line:

Do we seek change or do we play safe???
Are we ready to get out of the shell we put ourselves in???
Are we ready to stop taking things for granted and start questioning them???

I guess, I need to know more!!!
Need to live more!!!

What If- Coldplay

What if there was no light.
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme?
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.

What if I got it wrong?
And no poem or song..
Could put right what I got wrong,
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life.

Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try?
Oooooh, that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life.
That you don't want me there by your side.

Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side.
Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try?
Oooooh, that's right

Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the inside
Oooooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooooh, that's right..

Happy B'day Sahil...

Found these beautiful lines somewhere:

Apni piyas ka bataon kiya tujhe sahil,
Kabhi hum sabnam to kabhi dariya bhi peejate hain,
ghuman nahi karte hum apni bulandiyon ka,
ke parvat hame sar utah kar dekhna chahate hain,
toofan kiya hilayega mere hosle sahil,
har toofani lehar ka anjaam hum khudko samajhte hain,
isse lagalena mere dil ka haal,
har tooti shay ko hum apna dil samajhte hain..

---------------------------------------------------------

Beautiful Day - U2

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day